After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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