bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
