You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
