So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
