Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
