Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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