I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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