Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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