What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
