There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
