There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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