Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize