we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just pee around me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
