Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
