Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
