Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
