so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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