So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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