I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
