Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize