I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
