Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
