you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
