You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
