Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
