my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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