I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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