I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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