I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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