party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
