also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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