1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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