saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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