Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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