i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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