My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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