is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
