sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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