new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
