all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize