Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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