I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
