I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No subtext here. People are naked.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
