i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
