You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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