No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
