I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
