tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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