Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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