Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
