I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
