For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
