If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
