Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
