I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
