its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
