those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
