My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
