I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
