I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
