her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
