I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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