Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
