please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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